A really good chat with Julianna....

My heart is aching at the moment, but I guess aching for a good reason!  I just got off the phone with my dear dear Julianna.  I miss her so much!  She was one of the people on my mission that a dear, kind, loving Heavenly Father knew I needed.  He knew that we would eternally impact each others lives.  I need to be better at speaking with her on a more regular basis but it was sooo good to hear her voice tonight!  I miss her dearly, and I know her life is so difficult but I admire her and am so proud of her!
   She told me tonight that she has started going back to church.  (After speaking with Elder Andros at the mission office, I learned that her church attendance is pretty sporadic)  but hey, at this point sporadic is a giant leap in the right direction!!!  She said it was time for her to go back, that she finds happiness and peace when she goes to church.  Hopefully she can come to understand how much her Heavenly Father adores and loves her and that he does have a plan for her life as well!
   I'm not going to lie... speaking with her opened a wound I'm not sure will ever heal completely!  I miss the mission, I miss the members, I miss the language, I miss the greeks, I miss the difficulty of the mission, I miss the food, I miss giving 100% of my time to the Lord.  I miss being so spiritually in tune and feeling the Lord so near so often.  I've said it before and truly believe that when I left Greece, I left a piece of my heart there.  I feel like whenever I go back, my heart is somehow whole again!
   Who knew, that after being home for nearly five years, I could still miss it so badly that my heart could physically hurt to be back there!?!?  You would have thought I could have moved on and left it all behind, but I guess I can't because I became a whole new person there.  I gave my whole heart and soul for those 18 months and I worked my butt off doing the best I could each day, and then I allowed the Savior to step in and make up the difference.  And I guess because I gave my whole heart and soul, a part of my heart and a part of my soul will remain with those dear people forever and ever.
   Julianna is striving to find a better life for herself.  She is trying to find a way to another country.  It sounds like England may be a good possibility for her or possibly even the states...  I just hope and pray that something can work in her favor so she might be able to move on and find hope for a better life!  I don't know why, but for whatever reason speaking with her tonight really pulled at my heartstrings.  I think maybe it was because she finally sounded somewhat hopeful again.  It was so good to hear that she is finding peace within the gospel and that the wonderful couples are making such a difference in her life! I'm so grateful to them and their service and their care and concern for someone whom I love so dearly...  =)
   It is well beyond the hour of which I should be sleeping, especially because I have to work in just a few short hours but I could not leave this entry for another day or time.  It had to be written now!  I had to express the way I feel while the emotions are raw.  All I know is that I need to find a way to get back there to let those dear people know how much I adore them and really truly won't ever be able to forget them!  Hopefully there will be a European Missionary Reunion next summer and I will totally be there...
    Here are a few photos to reminisce the good old mission days!!!  Because the post is all about Julianna I guess I'll just put some of her and I...   I'll have to post later so I can add more and give tribute to the people that changed my life so much!

   So although this last picture is not of Julianna, I had to add it to the post because it shows exactly how I felt five years ago, and how I still continue to feel now!  My heart aches to be with those dear people I grew to love in such a short period of time!  I have learned how not to cry everyday since getting home (in the beginning that was a very difficult task...) but my heart still aches and every once in a while, I break down and have a good cry!

Where does the time go?!!?

   I can barely believe how quickly the last few months have gone by!!!  It's kinda crazy to think that in just a short couple of weeks I'll officially be back in Logan.   To be honest I think it has been a bit hard to get excited about moving back to my good old home town, but I truly believe it is a great choice for my life!  I am learning that I'm getting to a point in my life where I need to grow up, at least just a little bit!  =)   I think that the move to Logan is going to help me do just that.  It is going to bring more stability and a more permanent setting than I have had for quite some time!   For most of my life I have been quite flighty, moving from one place to the next, and I am finding it is time for me to settle down somewhere for more than a years time!!!
   I don't know as that Logan had to be the place that I chose to settle, but I feel like it is a good choice for the here and now...   I'm excited to be around the family more, to be so close to my new niece that is coming in November, to spend some time with Grandma Larsen while I live with her, to hopefully start building a career for myself!  I'm sure there will be some challenges along the way, especially working at dad's office... but overall I believe it will be an overall good experience.   Who knows exactly what lays ahead in the future but I am working really hard to get out of debt, hopefully invest in a house, and just live life to the fullest with NO REGRETS!!!  
   The last few weeks have been great!  I've had some fun weekends with friends and just feel blessed to have such a great life...  For the fourth of July, I went camping with Sara and Felipe in Yellowstone!  It was so much fun and such a great adventure.  I'm so glad I was able to spend some time with them.  =)  I love that they live so close and I am able to see them on a pretty regular basis.    I also took a quick trip to Vernal with the Swedes!  Sophia text me last minute and asked if I wanted to head out to the rodeo in Vernal and I thought why not!??!  We had a great trip and I loved going to a rodeo...  It's been a while since I went to one...
    I've spent a few weekends in Logan, one of which I got to spend in the temple with B.J.  He got his mission call and is headed to the Salta, Argentina mission the 17th of August...  (well, he enters the MTC on the 17th at least).  I'm so excited for him!  I can't wait to watch him grow over the next two years!  I feel like I've been really blessed to spend a decent amount of time with my adorable nephew Conner and niece Umbria as well!  I got to go to the zoo with Conner, we've been swimming at their pool a couple of times and I've been able to watch him so Jer and Stacy can have some time just the two of them!!!  I even got lucky enough to watch Umbria one evening so Brandi could go to one of Courtney's dinners at Sonora.  Hopefully I can watch her again sooner than later!!!  

  I love being an AUNT!!!   I'm pretty sure I would love being a mom even more, but...  for now I'm just grateful for the opportunity I have to be an aunt.    I have the coolest niece and nephew ever and can't wait to meet the niece on the way!   I'm glad that my siblings call me to watch them and that I live close enough that I can spend a decent amount of time with them!!!
  So... I guess, here is to the future and whatever it holds!  I'm excited for the new adventures that lay ahead!!!   I'm excited to start a new job, and to make the most of each day!  Hopefully the optimism will stick around and I can really learn to love my new life in Logan.  I'm most likely in it for the long haul so I may as well learn to love it!!!
  

Life....

    So...  once again it has been a while!   I guess one of the reasons I don't post very often is because I feel like my life is very much the same day to day.  I guess I just don't see much excitement to write about!!!  There really isn't a whole lot to write about but I'll try and update you all on my life.

    I've been really terrible at taking pictures so I only have a couple from the last year of my life...  i guess I will include a couple of them.  Ummmm...  I don't really even know where to begin.   I have been loving my job!!!   Sydney is such a sweetheart and I love watching her learn and grow.  She is developing such a fun personality and I am sooo lucky to have such a great job!   I'm really sad to say that this great job that I've enjoyed for the past year of my life is coming to an end in just a few months.

    Jenn is graduating from nursing school the end of July and I won't be needed anymore.   I think it is going to be crazy weird to not be able to see little Sydney everyday.   So...  I guess this is pretty big news.... I am moving back to Logan at the end of July.   Who knew I would be heading back to Logan.    I didn't really want to when I started trying to decide what to do with my life.   I contemplated moving back east to nanny somewhere, I considered teaching English in China...  I just wanted to travel the world I guess.   None of that was feeling right for me at the moment.   I was really stressed about what to do with my life though!   At that point Dad informed me that his secretary would be retiring and he asked me if I would like to be his secretary for the health insurance side of things at the office!   I did some soul searching and really prayed my guts out and in the end it is what feels right.  I don't necessarily know why I am headed back to Logan but I think it should be good.  

     Over the last couple of months I have been concentrating a little more on myself and what I can do to become better!   I have been trying really hard to eat better and to exercise regularly.  Although it is kicking my butt I have lost right around 20 pounds and am excited for the end result I'm working toward!   I want to lose about 30 more pounds so I know it is going to take some time and a lot of hard work but I'm trying!  

     Overall life is really great!   I am excited for the things to come and am also hoping to take a trip out to Nauvoo this summer.   My dear Roommate Adrien is an incredible performer and she is going to be performing in the Nauvoo Pageant.   I am hoping to get a small group together and head out there for a few days to see her!!!

     Here are a couple of pictures from the last few months of life!

  

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

I have realized that I am a horribe blogger!  I guess it is kind of like I am a horrible journal keeper... Both of these things are things that I would really like to get better at!  Today I just want to be grateful.  I guess this time of year we especially are trying to be grateful as it is so close to Thanksgiving and all.  

But today I am truly grateful!  

  ---   I am grateful to have 3 jobs and be able to provide for myself!

  ---   I am grateful and happy to be single

  ---   I am grateful for a wonderful family who loves and cares about me. 

  ---   I am grateful for wonderful friends who listen to all my ramblings and really care.

  ---   I am grateful most of all for the gospel in my life and for the knowledge that Jesus is the Christ and                                                that with his help we can make it through this life!

I have sooo many things to be grateful for and will post much more of my gratitude shortly but I just really wanted to say thanks for all that I have.  I know many times I like to complain and think my life is difficult but today I am saying thank you and realizing how great life really is!

Where I'm at in Life!

 
 Well, I don't really even know exactly where to begin with this post!  I guess that is because I am not exactly sure where I am at in life!  I think this is a good thinking picture and I feel like I do a lot of thinking lately.  Sometimes I think about how behind I am in life because I am still single, not making babies, and just doing my thing every day.  Other times I think about how lucky I have been to be able to travel the world and just life life to the fullest!  I also think about how lucky I am to have such an amazing job working for Mark and Jenn taking care of their beautiful daughter Sydney.  I feel so lucky to say that I love going to my job everyday!  
  

I many times think about all the other places in the world I would love to go but how I don't necessarily want to go to these places alone and single.   I am hopefully planning a Europe trip for this next summer but fear I may have to do it single!  I think about teaching English in China and how rewarding and fulfilling that would be!  I would love to work in the orphanages of Africa giving love to those beautiful babies who don't know what love is.  I would love to explore Egypt, Jerusalem, and so many other amazing and incredible places in this world.   I many times find myself thinking I would be fine being single for a while longer while I continue to find myself and figure out this life.  I think that there are many pros to the single lifestyle!  But I also find myself thinking maybe I am too comfortable being single.  Maybe I'm only thinking of me and no one else.  Other days I think to myself how amazing it would be to teach English in China side by side with the man of my dreams!  


       Other times I find myself thinking and wondering if the man of my dreams even exists!??  That is definitely debateable....   I wonder if we will ever find each other and what events in our lives have to come to pass before we can be together.  I find myself thinking about how much I would love to be a mother and take care of my own babies.  I think about how lonely it can be being single when you are the only one in your family who is of marriage age that is still single and alone.  I think it changes from day to day and I'm not really sure which one wins out most of the time!!  Do I want to be single or do I want to be married?!  That is also a great question...  
   


       So really this blog is just a rambling on of my thinking!  I feel so confused in life and many times wish to be married and having a family.  I spend time with my nieces and nephews and wish so much to have a family of my own.  I spend time with my sister and miss the special bond we used to share before she found a new best friend... and wish I had such a new best friend to fill the void of where she has gone missing.   I spend my days taking care of the sweetest little baby ever and wish to be able to have my own someday!   I think in the end I really just wish I knew when that day would come.  If it isn't for five years that is fine...  I will travel the world until then but at least I won't wonder if that day will really come!  This really is not a poor me blog I have just realized in the last few months that I would really love to progress to that next step in life!  I would love to find someone and start the next great adventure of our lives wherever that may lead us.   I feel though that I may have to find a lot of patience as the Lord tries my faith.  I don't so much believe that now is the time for me to have that in my life!  It is so difficult to want something so much and to not be able to have it.  But in the end I would rather wait for the right time, the right place and the right man and to be happy than to just marry to be married.  

   Until that time comes I am grateful for amazing friends who help me through the loneliness.  I am grateful for family who are always there no matter what.  I am grateful for the Savior who understands my heartache and who I should be a better friend to.  I am grateful for my amazing wonderful niece and nephew who always seem so excited to see me!  I am grateful for singles wards who have so many different activities to try and help us single people meet each other and get to know one another.  I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for a knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he has a plan for me and my life.  I am grateful to know that his plan will bring me much greater happiness than my own plan!  I am grateful for all the things I am so blessed to have in so much abundance in my life.  I am grateful for the time I was able to spend serving a mission and learning so much about me!  I am grateful for the person I am.  I am grateful for the hard times we have to go through which tend to make the easy times that much better.   I know that I am so blessed and just have to remember to count all those blessings when life starts to feel lonely or I start to feel behind as I see so many of my friends enjoying the blessings of motherhood!  I too am so lucky to have had the life experiences I have and hope that those experiences will help me to be the best mom I can be someday!

I'm SOOO Behind!!!

So if you haven't noticed I have been the biggest slacker with my blogging! I don't know if it is because I feel like noone reads my posts, if I'm just being lazy or what really. Or maybe it is just like my scrapbooking! I feel like I am so behind so I have no idea where to start! Let's just say that in all reality I haven't even finished blogging the trip Mandy and I came home from over a year ago! I have done so many things since and guess I am feeling a bit overwhelmed... Anywho, for now here is a small update in my life!
As you can see from my last posts I have been living in Ogden since January. Well that has now all changed and I am trying to settle into the Salt Lake City area! In between Ogden and Salt Lake I made a small pit stop back to Orem where I was living with Louise and Sophia for a couple of weeks! It was sooo much fun to be living with the old roomies even though I didn't see a whole lot of them... :) Anywho... the change came because I got a new job!!! I was not finding myself super happy at the deli and felt like I needed something different. I started searching on the internet and found a nanny position in Salt Lake City. I kept telling myself it was too good to be true and to not get my hopes up! I contacted the family and found out they had not yet hired anyone and landed an interview. I met them and was getting even more excited about the position. I was pretty much freaking out on the insides because I wanted the position soo bad but had no control over whether or not I would get it! In the end I did get the job and have loved every minute of it since! Here are some pictures of sweet little Sydney that I get to spend all my days with.

This is a picture of the sweet family I work for right after Sydney was born! They are so much fun and I totally feel like I am just a part of the family. Mark and Jenn are soo great and I look forward to going to work everyday! I guess so much for using my college degree! I decided happiness is better than a college degree job where I'm not so happy. :)

I have so many more things I need to post but this will have to due for now! I'll try and get caught up in the next little while!

3D movies are the new thing!

Here we are flaunting our awesome 3D glasses! We went to see Alice in Wonderland and loved it!!! I am loving the new 3D movement. I've lately seen Avatar, Alice in Wonderland and How to Train Your Dragon all in 3D!!! I have loved all three and think it is amazing what technology we are blessed with in our world today...

I thought the starts made for a super cute backdrop! I'm not sure what I was thinking when I struck my pose but we did have lots of fun! And that is most important.

This is Cami and I! She is getting ready to send in her mission papers! I'm sooo excited for her!

And this is my dear Racheal... I love this girl to pieces. She has been a Godsend in my life and I am so thankful to know her and to have her near my side! And yes... we leave on our vacation in just a few days!!! 5 days to be exact...