Monday, August 16, 2010

Where I'm at in Life!

 Well, I don't really even know exactly where to begin with this post!  I guess that is because I am not exactly sure where I am at in life!  I think this is a good thinking picture and I feel like I do a lot of thinking lately.  Sometimes I think about how behind I am in life because I am still single, not making babies, and just doing my thing every day.  Other times I think about how lucky I have been to be able to travel the world and just life life to the fullest!  I also think about how lucky I am to have such an amazing job working for Mark and Jenn taking care of their beautiful daughter Sydney.  I feel so lucky to say that I love going to my job everyday!  

I many times think about all the other places in the world I would love to go but how I don't necessarily want to go to these places alone and single.   I am hopefully planning a Europe trip for this next summer but fear I may have to do it single!  I think about teaching English in China and how rewarding and fulfilling that would be!  I would love to work in the orphanages of Africa giving love to those beautiful babies who don't know what love is.  I would love to explore Egypt, Jerusalem, and so many other amazing and incredible places in this world.   I many times find myself thinking I would be fine being single for a while longer while I continue to find myself and figure out this life.  I think that there are many pros to the single lifestyle!  But I also find myself thinking maybe I am too comfortable being single.  Maybe I'm only thinking of me and no one else.  Other days I think to myself how amazing it would be to teach English in China side by side with the man of my dreams!  

       Other times I find myself thinking and wondering if the man of my dreams even exists!??  That is definitely debateable....   I wonder if we will ever find each other and what events in our lives have to come to pass before we can be together.  I find myself thinking about how much I would love to be a mother and take care of my own babies.  I think about how lonely it can be being single when you are the only one in your family who is of marriage age that is still single and alone.  I think it changes from day to day and I'm not really sure which one wins out most of the time!!  Do I want to be single or do I want to be married?!  That is also a great question...  

       So really this blog is just a rambling on of my thinking!  I feel so confused in life and many times wish to be married and having a family.  I spend time with my nieces and nephews and wish so much to have a family of my own.  I spend time with my sister and miss the special bond we used to share before she found a new best friend... and wish I had such a new best friend to fill the void of where she has gone missing.   I spend my days taking care of the sweetest little baby ever and wish to be able to have my own someday!   I think in the end I really just wish I knew when that day would come.  If it isn't for five years that is fine...  I will travel the world until then but at least I won't wonder if that day will really come!  This really is not a poor me blog I have just realized in the last few months that I would really love to progress to that next step in life!  I would love to find someone and start the next great adventure of our lives wherever that may lead us.   I feel though that I may have to find a lot of patience as the Lord tries my faith.  I don't so much believe that now is the time for me to have that in my life!  It is so difficult to want something so much and to not be able to have it.  But in the end I would rather wait for the right time, the right place and the right man and to be happy than to just marry to be married.  

   Until that time comes I am grateful for amazing friends who help me through the loneliness.  I am grateful for family who are always there no matter what.  I am grateful for the Savior who understands my heartache and who I should be a better friend to.  I am grateful for my amazing wonderful niece and nephew who always seem so excited to see me!  I am grateful for singles wards who have so many different activities to try and help us single people meet each other and get to know one another.  I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for a knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he has a plan for me and my life.  I am grateful to know that his plan will bring me much greater happiness than my own plan!  I am grateful for all the things I am so blessed to have in so much abundance in my life.  I am grateful for the time I was able to spend serving a mission and learning so much about me!  I am grateful for the person I am.  I am grateful for the hard times we have to go through which tend to make the easy times that much better.   I know that I am so blessed and just have to remember to count all those blessings when life starts to feel lonely or I start to feel behind as I see so many of my friends enjoying the blessings of motherhood!  I too am so lucky to have had the life experiences I have and hope that those experiences will help me to be the best mom I can be someday!